Current mood:	gloomy
Current music:	jon brion - here we go

cause you can bend the truth till it's suiting you.....
some days I don't even think about him at all. other days I can't even fucking sleep because he won't leave my brain alone. sometimes it's so bad that my stomach hurts because I just want to call him and tell him that I want him in every sense of the word. it's winter and cold, and I don't want to be alone. I want someone that I'm comfortable being myself around, someone who I can talk to...someone who can make me laugh really hard. I want someone who will hold me when I cry, and pick me up when I fall. I need someone who knows when to push at me, and when to back off. I need someone who can carry my weight at those times when no matter how hard I push I just can't do it for myself. I want someone who will completely indulge in childish antics with me...like going sledding or having a food fight or something. I want someone who can be okay with just lying around in warmness to watch a movie or a fire. I need someone who makes me feel safe. I need to feel safe. because I don't. at all.

whenever I feel like this I always think about really amazing moments I had with dan...one time I came home from work and I jumped in the shower, and when I got out he had built a fire and made a bed in front of it, and the cure was playing...and we just layed there for hours kissing and listening to music. it's not like I miss dan but I really miss feeling like that. just so content.

It makes me feel really good just to stand next to this person. we don't even have to be talking. I mean, it's really awesome when we are talking. when I ask him how his day was I really care about the answer. fuck it. what really matters anyway?